Being abused by your mother has to be the hardest thing one faces. It breaks you and makes your life like a living hell. If you have an emotionally abusive mother, it is time you stop ignoring her abuse one and for all.
It’s not your fault that you’re being mistreated by the person who gave birth to you. Would you like to stop this nightmare? First of all, it is important that you understand that there are many such moms out there who are aware of their behavior, but they simply do not care. They continue to act in this way because they do not think that there is anything wrong with it.
You’re going through a lot of stress and pain, which might have a negative impact on your physical and mental health. However, as much as the stress could be bad for you, there is no reason you start ignoring such an abuse from your mother.
What Will I Learn?
- Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Mothers
- 1. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Humiliates You In Public
- 2. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Jealous Of You
- 3. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Too Close To You And She’s Always Needy
- 4. An Emotionally Abusive Mom Tries To Control You
- 5. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Always Negative And Critical
- 6. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Controls Every Aspect Of Your Life
- 7. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Hurts You And Then Pleads Forgiveness
- 8. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Skirts Around The Issue
- 9. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Never Owns Up To Her Mistakes
- 10. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Guilt As A Weapon
- 11. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Never Apologizes
- 12. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Money As Power
- 13. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Fear As Power
- 14. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Controls Your Friendship
- How To Deal With An Emotionally Abusive Mother
- 1. Seek Outside Help
- 2. Don’t Defend Yourself
- 3. Distance Yourself From The Toxic Relationship
- 4. Leave Her Angry Comments Alone
- 5. Be Prepared For The Reconciliation
- 6. Don’t Expect Anything From Her
- 7. Educate Yourself About Emotional Abuse
- 8. Join Support Groups Online
- 9. Don’t Expect Her To Change
- 10. Expect The Unexpected From Her
Here are some clear signs that your mother is abusive and you need to do something about it:
Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Mothers
Sometimes, your mother’s emotional abuse is not in the shape of loud cries or consistent shouting. It is rather implicit and subtle, hidden in some signs like the ones given below:
1. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Humiliates You In Public
Mothers are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. However, not all mothers do that. There are many jealous moms our there who don’t like when their kids are being appreciated. They put their children down in front of other people in order to make themselves feel good, which is wrong.
If your mother does any of such things, it is high time you accept her reality and stop seeing her as a normal mom – she is an emotionally abusive mother, capable of destroying your mental health.
2. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Jealous Of You
Jealousy is a quality that mothers should not have, but it is a sign of emotional abuse at the same time. Some mothers are jealous of their kids, which is wrong and unfair. It will not be long before you notice your mother treating you differently from the others. In most cases, emotionally abusive mothers make sure they do not show their jealousy in public.
3. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Too Close To You And She’s Always Needy
Some mothers are too close to their kids, which is not normal. An emotionally abusive mother will keep her kid under control all the time, even when it comes to relationships. When things do not go according to plan, they whine and make their children feel horrible for not being there to take care of them.
4. An Emotionally Abusive Mom Tries To Control You
Do you have a mother who is trying to control your life? Does she ever find pleasure in making you feel worthless when she doesn’t get what she wants? An emotionally abusive mother will always tell her kids that they are going to fail, which is not healthy at all.
5. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Is Always Negative And Critical
Do you have a mother who constantly finds flaws in everything? Does she find pleasure in criticizing other people around her, including your friends and family members? If the answer is yes, then it goes without saying that your mother is an emotionally abusive mother.
6. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Controls Every Aspect Of Your Life
Being controlled by your mother is one thing, but she controlling everything you do is another level. Does your mom make most of the decisions for you? Is she the only person who tells you what to wear or how to act? If yes, then it’s time to stop your emotional abuse.
7. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Hurts You And Then Pleads Forgiveness
Do you have a mother who assaults you emotionally, but then she apologizes afterwards? She might be sorry about it for the moment, but soon after that, she will do it all over again. Does this sound familiar to you? If so, then you have an emotionally abusive mother on your hands.
8. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Skirts Around The Issue
The emotional abuse from your mother might not always be obvious. She might aim it straight at you or she just skips around it. For instance, if you tell her that her being controlling of your life is not okay, she will make you think that it is your fault and it has nothing to do with her.
9. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Never Owns Up To Her Mistakes
Does your mother blame you for everything? Does she never admit when she’s wrong and does she always blame other people for her mistakes? If yes, then you have an emotionally abusive mother.
10. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Guilt As A Weapon
There is nothing wrong in feeling guilty when you do something wrong. However, guilt can be a weapon and it’s used to manipulate people. If your mother always makes you feel guilty about everything, then she is an emotionally abusive mother.
11. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Never Apologizes
If your mother always has an excuse for her actions, but she never takes responsibility or apologizes, then you have an emotionally abusive mother on your hands. What’s worse is that she will blame it all on you.
12. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Money As Power
If your mother controls you by controlling the money, she’s an emotionally abusive mother. Does she bring up all of your expenses and does she not let you work? She makes it feel as though you’re totally dependent on her. If so, then your mother is an emotionally abusive mother.
13. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Uses Fear As Power
Does your mother manipulate you by scaring you? Does she threaten to keep you away from people or she threatens to ruin your life if you don’t do what she wants you to do? If the answer is yes, then your mother is manipulating you with fear. She’s an emotionally abusive mother.
14. An Emotionally Abusive Mother Controls Your Friendship
Does your mom control who are your friends, what are the topics you talk about, where do you go and what are the things that make you happy? If yes, then she is using her power as a weapon. She is an emotionally abusive mother.
How To Deal With An Emotionally Abusive Mother
Emotional abuse is a maltreatment you don’t deserve. Here is how to minimize its effects on you:
1. Seek Outside Help
You can always seek outside help if your mother is emotionally abusive. You might find that it will be easier to do this because you are not responsible for changing her behavior, right? So start seeking out therapists, psychologists and counselors who will help you deal with your mother’s emotional abuse.
2. Don’t Defend Yourself
Your mother will always put you in defense mode. If she is emotionally abusive, then she is also manipulative. This means that there are ways that her emotional manipulation works and when you are in defense mode, then she uses these techniques to manipulate you even more. So don’t defend yourself with her. It’s not worth it!
3. Distance Yourself From The Toxic Relationship
You might not be able to end your relationship with her, but you can certainly distance yourself from the toxic relationship. This means that you don’t have to give up on everything you love and enjoy because of her. Just choose what’s good for you and do it.
4. Leave Her Angry Comments Alone
You might be tempted to write angry and spiteful comments on her Facebook page or reply with angry and spiteful emails. If you do that, then she will win the fight because now she can play the victim. She will say all kinds of lies about your emotional abuse towards her and others will believe her because they have not been emotionally abused by her before.
5. Be Prepared For The Reconciliation
Don’t be too quick to reconcile with your mother, even if she is abusive and then changes the behavior and starts to behave like a healthy parent. Read more about why it is not a good idea to reconcile with such a mother here.
6. Don’t Expect Anything From Her
This is very important. If you don’t expect anything from her, then she cannot hurt you with what she doesn’t give you. For example, if you expect that she will buy you something and then she doesn’t, then you are disappointed. If you don’t expect anything from her, then she cannot hurt you with the lack of gifts or other things that she didn’t give you.
7. Educate Yourself About Emotional Abuse
This is one of the best ways to learn how to handle your mother’s emotional abuse over time. Why? Because this way you learn about what is emotional abuse and how it affects you, your children if you have any and the people around you. You can see more here about how education can help you to deal with emotional abuse by your mother.
8. Join Support Groups Online
You will find this helpful because other people share their experiences with such moms. There are thousands of people who have the same problem with their mothers. So you don’t have to go through this alone or in private. You can discuss it with people who understand exactly how you feel and what you need.
9. Don’t Expect Her To Change
This is a very important step in learning how to handle emotional abuse from your mother, when she really doesn’t want to get better. Why? Because if you expect her to change, then you are setting yourself up for a big emotional fall when she doesn’t change. You also have to remember that no matter how much you want her to change, it is not going to happen unless she wants it too.
10. Expect The Unexpected From Her
What do I mean by this? Don’t expect your emotionally abusive mother to behave in a certain way because she never has behaved that way. So don’t expect her to change now either. Never forget that the only thing you can expect from an emotionally abusive mother is the unexpected, so be prepared for it at all times.