What’s No Contact Rule? What is this obsession of every other relationship expert that makes them speak of this rule with such passion? Does the no contact rule really work?
Table of Contents
Well, let all these questions coming in. We have written this most comprehensive No contact rule guide that covers the basics of no contact rule, its benefits, and the correct way to go about it.
Further, the article attempts to answer all the questions you might have about the contact rule.
So, read on and get all your confusions cleared:
Summary
- The no contact rule involves cutting off all contact with a specific person, such as an ex-lover, toxic friend, or problematic family member.
- It is essential because it allows individuals to break free from harmful relationships or addictions and find clarity and peace of mind.
- The effectiveness of the no contact rule varies from person to person, but it can lead to several positive outcomes.
- These outcomes may include getting an ex-lover back, reclaiming peace of mind, and gaining clarity about the relationship.
- The no contact period can help individuals evaluate their relationship, put fights on hold, make their partner miss them, become stronger, and have more time to think. Additionally, it offers benefits such as increased productivity, self-care, and healing from trauma.
Part 1: No Contact Rule – The Basics
Our guide takes your step by step and guides you through the different dimensions of a No contact rule, one after another.
So, sit back, forget about that special someone bothering you, and start reading this guide on No Contact rule (with patience, of course):
What Is No Contact Rule?
The modern no contact rule defines a specific period, during which you (kind of) stop existing for a specific person.
This specific person isn’t always necessarily your ex-lover. Rather, you can use no contact rule for a toxic friend or a family member who you think isn’t getting along you well.
During this period, you are obliged not maintain even the remotest sort of contact with the intended person – not even virtually.
Why No Contact Rule Is Essential?
Whether you do it after a breakup or simply to put things on pause in a deteriorating relationship, no contact rule is needed because of several reasons.
Scientific studies prove that both breaking up and abandoning a drug you were addicted to have similar effects on your brain. It hurts and seems impossible at the beginning, but once you get past the difficulties, things start getting better.
Let us explain it in an easier way.
Spending your days and nights with your partner could be like a harmful addiction that you continue living with. As the days pass, this addiction becomes toxic and starts showing its effects in your daily fights and arguments.
There is no way to end this addiction except going on a no contact break. The break, no matter how hard it seems, puts an end to your addiction for some time, and gives you the much-needed clear air.
When not in contact, you both are enjoying the same freedom, the absence of which first caused rifts between you two.
While many still dis- its effectiveness, the no contact rule is actually very productive if done the right way. The period during which you don’t contact a toxic person brings you closer to your inner self and makes you learn more about who you are.
You get the much-needed peace of mind and start looking at your relationship without any biasness. Also, the best part about no contact rule is that you come out of its stronger and better than before.
Isn’t that what we all want from life?
Going on no contact to end your blind addiction means ensuring the following:
- No calls or text messages (not even a simple K.)
- No stalking them (either in person or virtually)
- Not bumping into them by chance
- Not asking your mutual friends to pass your messages to them
- Not uploading any cryptic post to get their attention
While you do all of these, please know that it is okay not to have any clarity on what will happen next.
All you need to know is that your No contact period is doing you a favor by ending your abnormal obsession. The purification that it gives to a relation is what makes it so importance – especially in the modern times, when two people are fully connected even when in a long-distance relationship.
What To Expect From No Contact Period?
Let us bust a myth here, not every No Contact period can force your partner to love you again like before. Oppss. Sorry if we disappointed you, but that’s what it is!
However, this should not let you have any doubts regarding no contact rule success rate. If you’re strongly committed to your no contact policy, we promise that It would work wonders for you – but probably in a way different than how you thought.
Generally, you can expect to achieve three of the following things from applying no contact rule to your life:
1. You Get Your Ex Back
Though this does not always happen (do not let those Insta-famous influencers trick you into believing otherwise), no contact period sometimes ends in your beloved coming back to you.
This usually holds true for when you apply no contact to your relationship with a guy. Expert on man brain’s psychology during no contact period have some solid reasons to refer to no contact rule as something that brings back you man.
Guys do not generally like losing what is theirs. If, by any chance, you have been their girl for a long time, they would surely not want to lose you at any cost.
Ensuring no contact with them will give them a reality slap. Without you being around them for days, they are likely to realize how much they need you. The longer your lack of contact with them goes, the most intensely they will miss that feeling of you being theirs.
While this makes them angry and brings them back to their knees in front of you, you need to see if they are really coming back as a changed person.
Now, we know what you are thinking. How to know if no contact rule is affecting them? Well, you can easily do that. Just keep reading and you’d get the answer.
Other than an ex, you can also get back a lost friend and turn a toxic family member into a loving one with no contact rule.
Here’s to hoping whoever comes back to you is worth keeping!
2. You Get Back Your Peace Of Mind
In our relationships, sometimes we come at a point where nothing seems to please us. We feel annoyed and feel like our partner is making big deals out of minor issues.
Many don’t like acknowledging the fact that, during an apparently smooth relation, some days it feels hard to push yourself to talk to your partner.
If you are feeling annoyed with everything your partner does or if you two are fighting over petty issues, it is about time you acknowledge that you both need space.
Staying away from your partner and forcing yourself to not think about them for some days helps you purify their image in your mind.
When you are not around the person who has been annoying the hell out of you lately, you’ll surely have a brighter day. With the thoughts and actions of your partner not being there to disrupt your day, you’ll surely have a peaceful day.
With many of such peaceful and calm days in a row, you would either start craving your partner again or can look forward to the brighter aspects of staying away from them.
Sometimes, no contact rule lets you get over a person who, you felt, you couldn’t live without. Either way, the mental solace that your no contact period brings to you will let you take a better and more clarified approach to your relationship.
3. You Get Clarity On Your Relationship
Another important reason you should apply no contact rule to your relation is that it gives you the time to practically evaluate the things.
When you’re in a 24-7 contact with someone, you tend to feel euphoric due to all those intimacy-stimulated hormones inside you. With your heart controlling your actions instead of the brain, you are most likely to look past all that is wrong about your relationship.
Your partner could be a narcissist and might have never respected your opinions. They might be toxic in subtle ways and probably say things that ruin your confidence.
These are the kind of things that significantly affect your relation and how you do in life as a person. But, with your manipulative partner around, you keep ignoring such things to a point where your limits break.
It is only when you stop being around the person that you start realizing all the harsh truths about your relation. No contact period is the perfect time to evaluate your relation from its core and decide to take a solid stance about things.
In some no contact cases, women begin with the intention of getting their partners to love them but eventually decide to call off their relation. This only happens because of the clarity of mind they get during this time.
While it might sound scary at this point, we urge you to try no contact rule for the very purpose of getting clarity on your relation. After all, even if you decide to break-up with your partner, you’re getting rid of someone who’s detrimental to your peace. And that’s a WIN!
How Does No Contact Rule Work?
By now, we have praised the topic under discussion quite a lot. Hence, we won’t be surprised if you demand more facts and realities on no contact rule psychology.
The period during which two people are totally separated from each other works different for every person. Some even claim that one’s psychology during this time is defined to a great extent by their zodiac sign.
This means that there’s no definite way of explaining what goes in the mind of a person during this rule’s application. However, some experiences are a little too common for everyone going through the no contact phase.
We conducted in-depth research and then came up with some of such common experiences. Below is a highlight to what no contact can do to a person:
1. Your Fights Are Put On Hold
One of the best things about no contact is that it paces down any relationship’s destruction. You’re most likely to take the decision of cutting off your partner when you both are excessively getting on each other’s nerves.
When you both stop seeing each other, there will be no arguments and no fights at all. A few days into this alienation period and you’d stop finding their thought annoying (Just please don’t take this as your sign to contact them again).
To put it simply, the time when you two go without contacting each other removes toxicity from your relationship and gives your fights a break. This is especially great for someone who’s trying to win back their ex with this rule.
2. Your Partner Starts Missing You
This is one of the most expected effects of applying no contact rule in a relationship with someone who’s acting indifferent lately.
Usually, people take you for granted because you are always available for them. Hence, once you stay away from them for a noticeable period of time, they’ll surely realize how much do they need you.
This makes them crave your presence and they start valuing you the way you always deserved.
3. You Become Stronger
When in love, people often believe that they can’t live without their partners. This idea inculcates petty fears in them. Hence, they don’t try making a toxic partner realize the mistakes they are committing.
But, no contact period comes here as something that strengthens you. Going without speaking to them for days, you realize how your dependency on them was only something you believed as true.
You might not intend to break up with your partner after this period. However, a lengthy lack of touch with them can surely make you realize how strong you are even without them.
4. You Get More Time To Think
Sometimes, people go on no contact mode without an idea of what to expect once this all is over. This time of isolation comes with great decision-making abilities.
Without having to deal with a new petty feud with your partner every day, you can better critically look at your relationship and its dynamics. Further, you have all the time at your hands to think clearly regarding what your next step should be.
Instead of going psycho over your partner ignoring you, your calmness and thinking abilities can impress them enough to beg you to be in their again.
With all of this being said, it is about time we explain you everything on how to begin with the no contact rule and religiously going through it. So, let’s move to the next part, shall we?
Benefits of No Contact
A lot of people have a difficult time with No Contact. It because they are afraid to recognize the benefits. Well, let us tell you why taking No Contact is beneficial for everyone:
1. It Can Make You More Productive And Less Stressed
After an abusive relationship, it’s often hard to get back into your normal routine of life. It’s almost like your body and mind can’t ever function again. It is only when you get rid of stress that you start looking at life normally.
We all know someone who became so stressed about their breakup that they couldn’t even get anything done anymore. They were completely overwhelmed by it all, which was not good for them at all either.
Thanks to No Contact. The break can be very therapeutic sometimes. It lets you see things better. Your mind gets clearer, and your body stops surging with cortisol (stress hormone). You can finally start looking at your life normally and can do all that normal people do.
2. It Is A Form Of Self-Care
It is about learning to love yourself more. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care!
No contact is one way of caring for yourself and what you need. You deserve to have a life without being constantly annoyed by your ex. You deserve to have peace!
These are things you realize when your ex is far away. Such ideas alone give you a sense of relief. You realize how this time without your ex is helping your stay happy and grow.
Realizing how your happiness depends on you will surely make you more considerate about yourself and your peace – leading you to take selfcare seriously.
3. It Helps You Heal From Trauma
You have the right to live your life without being constantly harassed by an ex or abusive person.
For most victims of abuse, it is difficult to imagine life without their abuser. Due to fear or dangerous circumstances, it may be impossible or dangerous to end all ties with the abuser.
Bringing yourself to establish no contact rule with an abusive partner often frees you of all such fears. You realize how you are neither dependent on them, nor do you have to keep doing what they order you to.
With slowly regaining control of your life, you automatically start healing from the trauma that your abusive ex has inflicted on you.
These were just the major benefits of no contact. There is so much more that every person going through this phase experiences, depending on their own circumstances.
Also, reading this article further will educate you on more benefits of this amazing strategy, leading you to realize how you need to take up the no contact policy too.
Male Psychology During No Contact
“A man can survive everything, as long as he can move. The day he cannot – that’s the day he dies.” – James “Logan” Howlett
And not letting a man move on is what no contact does!
No matter how much men show you that they’re fine and doing well, inwardly they struggle with the no contact period way more than women do.
Generally speaking, men aren’t as emotionally expressive as women. Hence, it is very unlikely that they would seek outward support from others during this time. Not being able to vent means they’d overthink more than they otherwise do.
This outburst of thoughts often leads men to miss their partners and they end up fearing the idea of the woman leaving them forever.
But, it still takes them a lot of time before this fear gets them to contact you again. Men often like to think that the woman who has stopped contacting them is missing them badly and hence they wait for you to contact first.
But when you stay resilient enough on your no contact pact, this teases the men. They are struck by grief, thinking how their woman is no longer in a romantic relationship with them.
As all of this intensifies, the man is left with no option but to contact their ex, often pleading them to come back. And, that is where the ball comes in your court.
Female Psychology During No Contact
For a female mind, no contact usually acts differently than it would for that of a male. Initially, establishing no contact is very hard for a woman and she’d probably try going back to the ex again and again.
However, once she has remained in no contact mode for a considerable time, the women tends to break free from the emotional attachment she had with the toxic ex.
Practically speaking, No Contact lets you limit or stop your interactions with a toxic person. It gives you the power of protecting yourself psychologically and emotionally.
However, this only works if you are ready to cut off all forms of communication with your ex including:
– Casual contact (e.g., intentionally bumping into them on grocery stores)
– Communication through friends and family members
– Minimal responses to phone calls, text messages, letters, e-mail or social media channels (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.)
So, once a woman gets more powerful than her emotions, she starts looking at her relationship from a fresh perspective. It is then that she is capable of making a better decision about what should she do next about her partner – something that eventually favors both the people who are on a no contact break.
Part 2: Entering The No Contact Period – A First-Timer’s Guide
Is the idea of cutting off on your beloved dreading you?
We understand how much it sucks not to see someone you have been spending a lot of time with lately. Nevertheless, the results of undertaking such a labor are too good to miss out on.
Here is a step-by-step guide on beginning with and thriving through this period of becoming an alien to someone you thought you couldn’t live without:
Step 1: Starting Out
Passing the no contact rule stages is going to be hard, but just do it for the sake of your future’s peace.
Let us suppose that you and your partner have broken up. It is also possible that you haven’t yet broken up officially and are trying to mend ways.
In either of these cases, the first thing you need to do is to bring yourself to a point of “acceptance”.
Just convince yourself that your relation isn’t working out and you two need a break. Those promises of “being friends even after a breakup” and other such non-sense is not going to work here.
Just consider yourself single and free from your partner.
Now, it is time to make your ex-partner understand the same thing. Yes, you must inform them regarding your decision of going on a no contact mode.
While you inform, just let a single text message do the task. No, you can’t invite them over for coffee or meet them over food to tell them about going alien for them. This only leads to more arguments and discussions, and you would never be able to begin with your no contact rule.
Just write a simple message asking them to stop contacting them at all and tell them how you are serious about this entire no contacting them. It isn’t too hard to respect a person’s decision, after all!
Step 2: Keeping Yourself Busy
Now that some days (or hours, maybe) have passed to when you last contacted your ex, things might start becoming overwhelming.
It is here that you would like to resist the urge of contacting them. Here are all the things you should be making yourself busy with during this time, so you don’t contact them under the influence of emotions.
1. Self-Care
What’s better than investing your time in becoming a better version of yourself? Nothing, right? And this is why you need to spend more of your time during the no contact period with yourself.
Start a new workout routine, buy that gym membership you have always wanted to, go to the spa, and get yourself the facial you once heard about.
Light some scented candles and read books. Enjoy your own company while you do all that comes under selfcare.
The idea is not to come out hotter to impress your ex. Rather, these things will make you feel better about yourself. You will realize your worth more than before and, with so much to do for yourself, you would not feel the need to call your ex at all.
2. New Hobbies or Goals
Again, you have so much free time with no partner to tend to. Why not use it in learning something new or taking up a new hobby?
Set yourself some learning goals so you can hustle for them. With so much to achieve, you’d hardly feel like you miss your ex – which obviously makes it easy to maintain your no contact pact with yourself!
3. Meeting New People
No, you don’t have to find yourself a new date while you try to win back your ex. But, this doesn’t mean you can’t make new friends.
To keep yourself busy and to find someone to vent to, you can join different support groups and make friends with like-minded people from there. Just try not to over-share with your new friends, nor do you need to listen to every advice they have for you.
Step 3: Making Sure You Don’t Cheat
As the time passes without you and your partner not getting in touch with each other, you might start getting anxious.
Chances are, you’re expecting them to call you or turn up at your apartment with a bunch of flowers. But, they might not be responding to your cold shoulder at all of and this can feel a little depressing.
Don’t worry. They might turn up one day, they might never come back. But, you purpose here shouldn’t only be to get them back. Rather, you are using this no contact time to get your peace back.
So, you shouldn’t be doing anything stupid out of depression – and by stupid we mean cheating on yourself by breaking your no contact pact.
If you really want things to work out in your favor, breaking no contact without any proper reasoning is not an option for you.
That’s it! No more explanation – DON’T BREAK YOUR PACT. WE REPEAT, DON’T, PLEASE!
Part 3: No Contact Rule – FAQs
As we already told you, the basics behind No contact rule are not so basic after all. The internet is full of information on No contact psychology and what makes No contact rule a fail.
Despite this plethora of information on the topic, it is sad how people still aren’t clear about its purpose and the right approach towards No contact rule.
Well, below we are trying our best to answer some of the most important questions that anyone might have about this rule.
But, wait!
Before you dive in all the content below, we want to warn you that it can be a little overwhelming. Probably, our answers will be a total opposite to what you’d expect us to say.
So, just take your time and go slow with all this information, trying not to let your own biases come in your way of understanding all that is written over here.
Ready? Let us begin then:
What If Your Ex Contacts You During The No Contact Period?
Now, this is a tricky scenario that leads many to break their no contact pact and go back to their ex, which is, by the way, fine in some cases.
If your ex reaches out to you during no contact time, you first need to understand what might have made them contact you.
It’s possible that your long silence has affected them. Hence, they want to mend the relationship. In this case, you might want to evaluate the situation and check if they are actually serious about getting you back.
Think on everything deeply and then take a well-calculates decision on whether you want to end your no contact rule with them.
However, sometimes, your ex might contact you just some time after you go silent for them. In such cases, please understand their act of contacting you as their lack of respect towards your decision.
Usually, exes come back to you after a day or two gone without any contact. This happens because they want to manipulate you into getting back with them.
You need to be smart enough to restrict their random contacts as much as possible. It is totally okay to block them from everywhere if you aren’t ready to go back to them.
However, just try not to be excessively rude or disrespectful towards them. Rather, a polite, yet direct, indication of your intentions would work great for most exes, and they will stop bothering you every other day.
What If You Break Your No Contact Rule?
Breaking your no contact rule is way easier than sticking to it. Hence, it is no surprise that many end up sending a “Hi” to their ex on Instagram, just a week after their contactless break starts.
Realizing that you have broken your rule can be annoying. But, it is totally fine – as long as you start maintaining no contact with them again.
Yes, you read it right. If you break your rule, regardless of how far it was from the day you begin with no contact policy, you can resume your break again.
Just make sure you do not take a very long break before you start no contact again. The sooner, the better!
How To Know If No Contact Rule Works For Us?
There is no definite way to tell if this rule is working in your favor. However, some signs can be taken as hints about your partner and you getting affected by the no contact period.
We are listing the most obvious of these signs below. But, please don’t take these at all or nothing. It is possible that your ex or you might be going through one of these emotions, but the reason behind is something other than your lack of contact.
It is best to evaluate your respective case and deeply consider each and everything before you assume that no contact has started working in your favor.
So, here are some things that can happen when your no contact rule works for you:
- Your self-love goes to another level of high
- Your ex craves you or subtly asks you to come back
- You ex tries visiting your workplace or is all over your social media accounts
- You are no longer sad or depressed
- You find it okay to socialize and live your normal life
Applying The No Contact Rule, For How Long Do You Have To Wait Before It Starts Working?
The time taken by this rule to work varies from couple to couple. There is no way we can tell you as to how many weeks or month from now you’d be enjoying the results of applying this rule.
However, it is when your ex’s actions stop bothering you and you start looking at your relationship in a new way that you can consider all your efforts showing results.
Does No Contact Rule After Breakup Work Different?
For sure. Initiating no contact just because you are sick of your partner’s toxicity and starting it after you both finalize the breakup are two very different experiences.
After breakup, your ex feels relieved once you stop contacting them. It usually takes them a few weeks, sometimes months, to realize what they have lost and then they come back to you.
However, when you both haven’t broken up, your partner might try to contact you only when just a day or two have passed to when you last talked.
Is No Contact Rule For Guys Different From Its Application On Women?
While we don’t have any scientific basis to claim such a thing, observations show that no contact rule works more powerfully for guys than it would for a woman.
By nature, men get more curious and angrier about being ignored than a woman. This anger makes them try to contact their partner more passionately than a woman ever would.
Is It Okay To Use No Contact Rule To Move On From A Bad Relationship?
Yes, of course. In fact, many successful no contact periods end in both the partners realizing how they aren’t right for each other – leading both to move on happily.
You can easily apply this rule if you are sure about the two of you never coming back together. During this time, you’d better understand your worth and will achieve peace that helps a person move forward in life.
Is No Contact Rule Successful Every Time?
If we have not yet given the impression, let us clarify this for you. No contact rule does work every time, but it might not work how you expected it to.
Probably, you apply this rule to get back your ex but end up feeling like you should break up with them. In some cases, your partner never comes back to you, rather start a new relationship. No matter how much this hurts, you’d realize how they never valued you and you’re better off without them.
So, regardless of whether this rule works just how you want it to, the end results are always in your favor – but you might understand this in the long run.
How To No Contact If We Have To See Each Other Every Day?
You can easily apply no contact rule even if it is impossible for you to avoid coming across your ex, either because of your kids or because you two work at the same place.
In this case, you might even have to talk to them. This is fine as long as you are not having a conversation more than when you need to exchange important information.
Don’t ask them about their parents or if their dog misses you. Also, no need to greet warmly or smile at them just to be polite. Treat them like you would treat a colleague who is not friends with you.
Will He Forget You During No Contact Period?
No, he won’t – unless he never valued you (and you’re better without them if that’s the case). No contact psychology works almost the same for most men. They get angry and want you back. So there is no way they forget about you.
However, some men do start casually dating other ladies while they miss you. We won’t tell you to forgive them for trying to find a new you in someone. It is up to you. Just make a decision that you think is the best and stick to it regardless of what everybody says.
Conclusion
We tried to remain as comprehensive as possible throughout and hope that our article has helped in clearing any confusion that you might have regarding the no contact rule.
With this being said, we can’t emphasize enough on how important it is to understand this rule as a something that has relative effects on everyone’s relationships.
If your friend got back her ex after going on no contact mode for a month, good for her. But, there is no way you can expect your case to be the same.
Hence, when going on no contact period, make sure you have fully comprehended your situations and then made a well-timed decision after a lot of reasoning with yourself.
Here’s to wishing you healthier and happier relationships!