If you have ever asked yourself “why does my mother hate me”, you are not alone. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people feel this way every day. Many men and women grow up with mothers who resent them for some reason or another.
The feeling tends to hit during adolescence when a young child starts pondering things like “is my mother like other mothers”, “does my mother hate me”, and “why does my mother hate me”.
You cannot force your mother to get her to start loving you out of nowhere. However, you can attempt at trying to understand the reasons behind her hatred. Further, learning the healthy ways you can use to deal with her hatred can help ease the overall situation.
Summary
- Many individuals experience the feeling of their mothers hating them, particularly during adolescence.
- Understanding the reasons behind a mother’s hatred can provide some insight into the situation.
- Possible reasons for a mother’s resentment include being unprepared for motherhood, feeling overwhelmed by maternal duties, financial problems, being a single parent, lacking support from family, being too strict, having past traumas, experiencing mental health issues, or displaying narcissistic behavior.
- It is essential to prioritize one’s well-being in dealing with a mother’s hatred, such as avoiding mean-spirited situations, seeking outside comfort, distracting oneself, or consulting a therapist.
- Remember that a mother’s negative behavior is a reflection of her own struggles and does not define the child’s worth.
Table of Contents
Can A Mother Really Hate Her Child?
We are sorry to break your heart here but yes, mothers can resent their children. Recent research shows how motherhood now is harder than ever, making it easier for a few moms to hate their children and the idea of themselves being a mother.
Many people feel like their mothers hate them but don’t deal with this the right way. There are several reasons why a mother would resent their child and we are going to list all the major ones below.
Possible Reasons A Mother Hates Her Child
Of course, it’s possible that your mother may have a good reason for her resentment and hatred for you. However, it’s also possible that the child has done nothing wrong to deserve her animosity.
The following is a list of possible reasons that might answer why does your mother hate you. It is not intended to be exhaustive. But, it will give you something to think about before labeling your mom as being guilty of an unforgiveable and selfish sin against you.
1. She Might Not Be Prepared To Have A Child
Some mothers are young, not ready to be mothers at first and would do anything to reverse the process. But when they cannot get rid of the unwanted child, their resentment gets quite stronger.
The child might become a burden to her, and she would want nothing to do with this baby. She might feel as if the baby ruined her life by coming at such an inconvenient time. In these circumstances, mothers may resent their children because they are insecure about themselves.
2. She Might Be Overwhelmed By Motherly Duties
Motherhood is hard and tiring with a lot of duties to cater to and a lot of pressure because of the societal expectations. Sometimes, a mother feels too tired and sick to care for the baby, thus she takes her anger and resentment towards the helpless child.
This can lead to some abusive behaviors, such as shaking, smothering, or throwing the baby against a wall; all of which will ultimately result in serious injury or death for the baby.
3. She Might Have Money Problems
A mother might resent her child if he or she is born into poverty. She may feel that the baby is taking away everything from her. She might think that life will be too hard for both of them as poor people, and she just cannot take it anymore.
4. She Might Be Tired Of Raising Kids As A Single Parents
Some mothers might resent their children if they are single parents. She might feel as if she has to do everything alone, and she may be overwhelmed by the task of having to raise the child with no help or support from anyone else.
5. She Might Have A Lack Of Support From Her Family
If the father of the child abandons her, or if she lives with people who do not have enough resources to help her take care of the baby, then things get really difficult.
She might resent her child because she feels that no one else is willing to help. When mothers are stressed out about life in general, their children become a nuisance and an additional responsibility which can lead them to feel overwhelmed.
6. Probably, She Is Only A Bit Too Strict
It is possible that your mother might be only a bit too strict; leading her to feel resentful of you. She might be quite authoritative and controlling. It is often thought that parents who are not strict might let their children do whatever they want which can create some serious problems in the future.
7. She Might Have Her Own Past Traumas Because Of Her Parents
Sometimes parents pass on unacceptable traits to their children. A mother might have been abused in the past, and when she gets pregnant, she brings out this anger on her own child.
Unfortunately, people tend to internalize others’ experiences and fixate on them. Somewhere, deep inside her subconscious mind she may be struggling with resentment or anger towards the mother. The mother might have done the same thing to her that she is doing to her own child.
8. She Might Have Mental Health Issues
Mental health is a complicated thing; it shows itself in different ways all over the world. Sometimes, mothers get mentally ill from the kind of treatment they have received in their childhood.
However, instead of getting medical help, they pass mental problems onto their children through abuse or neglect. Whatever the case may be, parents must not be allowed to mistreat their children.
9. She Is Extremely Narcissist
When a woman resents her baby for any reason outside of not wanting the baby in the first place, it’s definitely a major red flag for narcissistic behavior.
Some mothers find themselves resenting their kids because they aren’t providing them with everything they want or need at every moment in time. These types of narcissist mothers mothers will often see their children as extensions of themselves rather than human beings in their own right.
Other than these, some other things to look out for when trying to understand why a mother hates her child are as follows:
- The child is an illegitimate baby resulting from infidelity or rape, thus making the child a living reminder of her “sins” or violation.
- The child was born with disabilities or deformities which the mother feels she cannot love and/or support.
- The mother feels that she is too young to bear children, at times it is common for the young mothers to resent their babies because they feel that their lives are over before they even began.
- The mother has not bonded with her baby during pregnancy and/or at birth and thus experiences an emptiness and void in her life.
- Her husband or boyfriend does not want the child.
- Her husband might have other plans for his life; he might want more children or someone better than her
- She might love someone else than the child’s father
- Mother feels she is too old to give birth
What To Do If Your Mom Hates You?
A mother is supposed to love and care for her children unconditionally, but there are some mothers who show hate towards their children. This can be a weird and traumatic experience especially for a young child or a teenager.
It sucks to doubt your mother’s love for you and having to bear with her resentful attitude. An unstable mother-child relationship can affect a child in several harmful ways. But, there is no way you should let that happen to yourself.
Here are some things you can do to make sure this dysfunctional relationship does not affect you badly:
1. Do Not Stay Around When She Is Being Mean
This is the easiest and most effective way in dealing with your mother. Try as much as possible to avoid the situation by not staying around whenever she starts acting out of line.
If she has nothing nice to say about you, there is no reason for you to stay around and listen to her hurtful words. You can choose not to stop see your mom at all or simply ignore what she says when you are around her.
Sometimes it’s better not to confront verbally her but just to leave and never look back.
2. Seek Outside Comfort
This is one of the most effective ways. It especially helps if you can’t stop seeing your mother and don’t want to do that either. You can talk about her behavior with somebody else.
For example, a close friend or family member who has had a similar experience with their own “dysfunctional” mother. It will help you to put everything into a different perspective and also feel better about what you are going through.
3. Distract Yourself
Sometimes, distracting yourself from what is going on around you may help the situation a lot. Especially if she starts acting out of line when nobody is around but just try not to take it too far.
It’s important that you stay alert and aware of any potential dangers that may come up in this sort of situation. Chances are, they will come out of nowhere if your mother doesn’t start seeing somebody about her behavior soon enough.
4. Consult A Therapist
In case you have been affected intensely by the situation, even after taking any of those actions, it might be good to find a therapist. The therapist can help you deal with what’s going on.
You can also try some relaxation and visualization techniques to make yourself feel better and more in control of the situation.
Conclusion
It’s important to understand that no matter how hurtful your mom is being towards you, ultimately, she has lost control over herself. Hence, she can’t really help doing what she does.
You should always keep in mind that your mother is the one suffering from her own self-destructive behavior and not you. Of course, no matter what you decide to do, nothing will take away this hurtful experience from your life. However, you can at least make sure it won’t affect you too much.