If you feel like you resent your mother a little too much, you are not alone. Resentment for mothers is actually very common in young people who have difficult relationships with them while growing up. If you find yourself asking questions like “why do I resent my mother so much”, you’re at the right place.
The first thing you need to know is that being resentful toward your mother doesn’t mean that you don’t love her. It just means that the relationship between the two of you is not as great as it could be, which may or may not have anything to do with how she raised you.
Let us begin with understanding this resentment towards your mother as an emotion in a way that might help you feel better.
Summary
- Resentment towards mothers is common among young people with difficult relationships during upbringing.
- Resentment doesn’t mean lack of love, but rather an indication of an imperfect relationship.
- Reasons for resentment include abuse, unforgivable actions, interference with parental relationships, unmet expectations, unapproachability, and judgment.
- Dealing with resentment involves acknowledging anger, reevaluating expectations, avoiding comparisons, understanding burdens, forgiving, seeking support, and having open conversations.
- Achieving inner peace requires resolving resentment and seeking professional help if necessary.
Table of Contents
I Resent My Mother So Much: Is That Normal?
It is perfectly normal to have complicated feelings about your mother. You are one of many people who feel that way.
Most likely there are some people out there who love their mothers, but you cannot expect everyone to have positive feelings toward their moms. We understand that realizing your hatred for mother comes with guilt and this urge to dismiss your feelings but doing that never helps.
Resenting someone is a sign of not liking the way they behave with you. You cannot expect always to agree with your mother or be on her good list when you are growing up and resenting comes from anger, disgust and disapproval.
No matter what happened in the past, it is possible for you to move forward and heal yourself by dealing with such emotions. But before that, it is essential to have a sense of everything that can lead you to this resentment.
Possible Reasons Behind Children’s Dislike For Their Mothers
One thing that many people find difficult to do is to really understand the reason behind their resentment toward mother and it often takes lot of patience and practice.
It seems like a common theme among teens who resent their mothers, they always say that their mom was too strict. We think it is true for some people but you cannot make this generalization. Hence, here is a list of all possible reasons that might lead one to resent their mother.
1. The Mother Is Abusive
The mother may have been emotionally or physically abusive, leading to a sense of resentment.
If your mother puts you down or has been verbally or physically abusive, or has led an unhealthy life, it’s not surprising that your feelings of resentment toward her continue even when she is trying to be a good mother and take care of you.
2. The Mother Did Something Unforgiveable In The Past
Sometimes, people hold on to resentment without even realizing it. Perhaps you are holding on to anger for something your mother said or did in the past that was not right. You may be too proud or stubborn to give up the resentment and confront her about it.
Perhaps, she didn’t stand up for you when you needed her support the most. This may have led to a feeling of inadequacy within you which is why even now, as an adult, your mother’s love doesn’t seem enough.
3. The Mother Stops You From Meeting Your Father
Sometimes, resentment is the result of one parent stopping the child from having a healthy relationship with the others.
If your mother has prevented you from meeting or communicating with your father in any way, it’s no surprise that you feel this way about her.
4. Your Mother Does Not Fulfill Your Expectations Of Her
Known experts claims that people often hate their mothers for not fulfilling their expectations of how a . Your mother may have failed you in your mind because she is not fulfilling what you expect from her. This feeling stems from the sense of inadequacy that arose when your mother didn’t help you or fulfill your needs when you needed it most.
5. The Mother Is Unapproachable
Estrangement between children and their mothers is a harsh reality. Some people simply feel that it is easier to be angry with a person than to open up and begin a dialogue. They may resent their mother’s tendency to keep herself away from the world for fear of being judged, or her introversion.
Without knowing what is holding her back, it’s difficult to ease your resentment toward her.
6. You May Be Judging Your Mother Too Harshly
Your mother may have been a perfect angel in your eyes as a child because she was the only figure of parental authority you had. As an adult, it may be difficult for you to accept that she is human, just like everyone else.
This causes you to view her as infallible and puts you in a position of powerlessness because your feelings are not validated by an authority figure. All this resentment has built up inside of you over the years until now, when there seems to be no way out.
7. The Mother Isn’t As Successful As You’d Like Her To Be
You may feel resentful toward your mother for not being a successful woman. This is a common feeling among young kids, who at times blame their mothers for not making enough money and having worked hard enough to give their kids the lifestyle that they dream of.
8. The Mother Is Too Extreme In Her Parenting Style
Sometimes, children end up becoming resentful towards their mothers because they think that she’s too extreme in her parenting style.
If she overprotects you to the point of suffocation, it’s normal for resentment to build up because you believe that she doesn’t trust your abilities. If your mother is too serious and intense about everything, you may feel that she expects too much from you and resent her for that.
9. The Mother Is Too Strict
Children sometimes blame their mothers for being too strict. She may have been pushing you to achieve or wanting more for you than what she had. You are not able to understand her reasons for this and resent her instead.
10. Your Resentment Is Your Means To Hide Other Emotions
Sometimes, people feel resentful toward their mothers because they just don’t want to show other feelings like pain and sadness. This kind of resentment is usually the result of not being able to accept something harsh about your mother and instead your entire emotion gets directed towards your mother.
How To Deal With It?
Now that you know why you resent your mother, try to understand the fact that it’s not her fault: she is simply doing what she can and what she thinks is best for you. Stop holding on to the past and let go of the resentment; this will help you live a happier life.
1. Admit To Yourself That You’re Angry
Identify your anger, admit that you are angry and accept it. Keep yourself open about the entire situation. Don’t hide anything or try to suppress any emotions. Acceptance is the first step towards healing.
This will prevent you from becoming overwhelmed later on. Once you have identified your emotions, ask yourself why you feel resentful toward your mother.
2. Re-evaluate Your Expectations Of Your Mother
Expectations do not just apply to your children. You may be expecting too much of your mother because you are viewing her through the lens of your own experiences. Ask yourself if she is doing all that she can, or you are simply projecting another person’s character onto her.
3. Don’t Compare Your Mother To Other Mothers
Many people compare their own mothers to other women, and it’s easy to get discouraged. Learn to appreciate your mother for who she is and the things that she has done for you. You will learn something about yourself through her mistakes, or in her successes.
4. Calculate Her Burdens
Be fair to your mother and take into account all the things she has on her plate. If you are feeling resentful because of her shortcomings, then remind yourself that she is only human.
She may not be as successful as you’d like her to be, but this does not mean that she is unable to be a good mother to you.
5. Forgive Your Mother
If you are resentful because of something that happened in the past, then it’s time for you to let go of that resentment and forgive your mother. It is not easy, but with some self-reflection, you may be able to achieve inner peace.
Remember that your mother loves you and all the difficult moments in the past only show how she has always tried to protect you. Through her actions, you will find that there is no better way of loving and caring for someone than with all that she had.
6. Seek Outside Support
If you are not able to let go of your resentments, then talk about it with someone else. You will find that talking about the root of your anger help take away some of its power.
Don’t keep all those negative feelings bottled up inside because this will only compound the problem further.
An outside support group may have a positive impact on your situation and if you have a healthy relationship with a sibling or spouse, then they may also be able to provide help.
7. Talk To Your Mother
Your mother was once a little girl who may have been hurt by other people in the past. If you want to improve your relationship with her, then start by forgiving her for the mistakes she has made and then talking to her about how you feel.
You will be surprised at how this one simple thing can bring a positive change in your relationship and it will give you a fresh perspective on things.
Conclusion
Resentment towards your mother is a natural emotion and it can be triggered by many things.
Once you have realized the reasons why you resent your mother, then it becomes much easier for you to find ways in which you can live a happier and healthier life.
If this issue continues to bother you and prevents you from leading a normal life, then you should seek professional help from a therapist.
When you have resolved to forgive your mother and let go of all those resentments, only then will you be able to achieve inner peace. This is not easy, but with time and patience
