Daughters can be mean. They play tricks on you, speak to you rudely and sometimes even lash out at you physically. Understanding why are daughters mean to their mothers, will help you motivate change in their behavior.
Most daughters have been influenced by the culture of TV, where most celebrities they see on these media give a wrong stereotype of how a daughter should be towards her mother.
What Will I Learn?
- Signs That Your Daughter Is Mean
- Why Are Daughters Mean To Their Mothers
- 1. Invading Your Daughter Privacy
- 2. Daughter Wants To Seem Cooler Than Her Mother
- 3. Your Daughter Can’t Understand Your Emotional Fluctuations
- 4. Daughter Wants To Challenge Mother Authority
- 5. You Never Valued Your Daughter Opinion
- 6. You Are Too Strict With Your Daughter
- 7. You Have Always Made Decisions For Your Daughter
- 8. Mother And Daughter Have Opposite Opinions
- 9. You Made Your Daughter Feel Insecure
- 10. You Never Let Your Daughter Have Your Attention
- How To Correct Daughter Behavior
Signs That Your Daughter Is Mean
If any of the following signs sound familiar to you it could be that your daughter is taking after her friends rather than behaving herself as she should:
- If She does not obey requests, for example, to clean up or do homework without dispute
- She fights with siblings over toys or space
- She has no interest in family life, seeing nothing wrong with staying indoors glued to a computer screen all day long
- Will not do what you ask when asked, or she does it in a way that is different from how you would have done it
- Says nasty things to you when she’s angry, for example, “I hate you! You are so mean. I wish I never had to see your face again”
Why Are Daughters Mean To Their Mothers
As with most things relating to children, there are many reasons why daughters can be mean to their mothers, some more detectable than others. Understanding the reasons behind the behavior can help parents understand what needs changing and motivate them to take action.
The following are possible explanations of why daughters may be behaving badly towards their mothers:
1. Invading Your Daughter Privacy
When daughters become teenagers many of them don’t like you to see them, talk to them or even be around. This could simply be because their hormones are raging and they feel more self-conscious than ever before.
However, sometimes the desire for privacy is a result of your daughter thinking that she knows better than you do. If this is the case there may be no reasoning with her, as she will think that if it were not for her interfering parents she would have everything under control.
2. Daughter Wants To Seem Cooler Than Her Mother
When society dictates what “cool” means to teenagers it usually means doing things opposite from what people your age are doing.
Sometimes being mean can help your daughter seem cooler to her friends, and if she is dependent on other people for love and affection this could make her feel like she has no choice but to act up.
3. Your Daughter Can’t Understand Your Emotional Fluctuations
Some daughters only see the bad side of their mother because that’s all they are shown. If mum constantly screams at dad or is constantly putting you down it might affect your opinion of who she is.
It might be hard for your daughter to accept that this behavior does not reflect how your mother feels about you, so instead your daughter takes action into her own hands by being mean back. This type of behavior can often lead to worse things if it hasn’t already, such as teasing other children in class or stealing money from parents’ purses or wallets.
4. Daughter Wants To Challenge Mother Authority
In the same way that acting out towards their parents can make teenagers feel like they are in charge, sometimes daughters purposely demean you to see what sort of reaction they will get from you.
The response they receive may help shape your daughter’s opinion of who is running things in the family which could lead to a cycle of more serious forms of rebellion, such as underage drinking and drug abuse. If this is happening there should be no hesitation on your part to address the problem right away before it gets any worse.
5. You Never Valued Your Daughter Opinion
If you are constantly dismissive of your daughter’s feelings, be it during an argument or when you are disciplining her, there is a chance that she will feel like she has no value. This could lead to her overcompensating by being disrespectfully unruly at home.
6. You Are Too Strict With Your Daughter
Being a disciplinarian does not necessarily mean that you are being too strict, but you should be wary of the fine line between keeping your daughter in check and forcing her to become docile.
Being domineering may make your daughter feel as though she has no choice but to retaliate because it’s either her or you. In which case making an effort to lighten up a bit might just help diffuse some of the situations.
7. You Have Always Made Decisions For Your Daughter
Daughters who were never given a choice, even when they were little kids, might reject asking for your opinion over anything. This could be because she is headstrong or simply because she wants to feel independent.
8. Mother And Daughter Have Opposite Opinions
No matter how much you mean well by trying to force your daughter to dress in modest clothing and carry herself with grace. If she has the desire to dress provocatively and carry herself with confidence then there is not much that you can do about it other than to accept her for who she is.
It may be hard at first but once you see that your daughter is happy this will help raise your approval of her decisions.
9. You Made Your Daughter Feel Insecure
It may not be intentional, but if you are constantly comparing your daughter to other children or putting her down all the time it will harm how she feels about herself.
Not being able to meet your high expectations could lead to feelings of sadness and even depression. This can be something that needs to be fixed with family therapy or counseling, as well as one-on-one therapy for your daughter.
10. You Never Let Your Daughter Have Your Attention
Just like in any other relationship, if your daughter doesn’t feel that you are giving her enough of your time then she will act up. It is important to set aside some one-on-one time with your daughter because this not only shows them that they are loved.
It also allows them to know what makes you happy so they can do more of it when they are around you. If the reason behind your daughter being mean to you appears to be due to one of these ten reasons, there should be no hesitation on your part in taking action against the cruel behavior.
How To Correct Daughter Behavior
Once you know why your daughter has turned into a mean girl, it will be easier for you to deal with the situation in the most effective way. It’s better to resolve this problem by yourself instead with the help of a third person. You need to show her that when she behaves this badly it has consequences and how much better off she’ll be without this sort of behavior.
1. Talk Rationally Instead Of Emotionally
You need as clear ahead as possible if you are going to talk at all rationally with your daughter about what is going on. That means limiting yourself from giving in to emotions such as anger or sadness.
So, you can think clearly about the problem and not let those feelings affect what you say. Anger can lead to more arguments, while sadness will only push your daughter away from you.
2. Don’t Expect Instant Results
Be prepared that this may be a long process, it might not even happen in the same day or week! Some things are harder to correct than others, for example, if you have been neglecting your daughter in some way giving her what she wants in return won’t work because she knows that this is just a temporary fix.
You need to show her instead of how much better off she would be if she acted right so try and keep up the positive momentum between both of you.
3. Treat Your Daughter Like An Adult
This is something we all tend to do in our family, we make decisions for other people because we know what’s best. This isn’t the right way to treat your daughter. If she has been mean to you it might be difficult but you need to treat her like an adult and let her choose the consequences she wants.
If you offer her a choice and she still picks meanness then you can go forward with whatever decision you originally made, but because you gave her the option it is now easier to deal with as well as making your daughter feel like she has achieved something.
4. Show Your Daughter That You Support Her
Your daughter needs to know that you still love her, it doesn’t matter if she has been mean to you or not there will be times when she needs your support. That might mean telling her that even though what she said to hurt your feelings, you still want the best for her and are willing to help in any way possible.
You might even show her that you still think she is special and look at the positive things about her instead of lamenting over what she has done to upset you.
5. Have Fun With Your Daughter
Make sure when you are spending time with your daughter that you have fun and enjoy it. That doesn’t mean recruiting your partner in crime to help so you can go out and party, but spending some quality time together doing something fun for both of you.
This could be going for a walk or even working together on a project. Not only is this good for your relationship but it also gives you something positive to talk about when she isn’t acting mean towards you instead of delving into the negative past too much.
Why are daughters mean to their mothers? The ten reasons behind this behavior will help you to understand your daughter’s mean behavior and can form an effective solution.
Daughter can be mean due to lack of attention, lack of communication, emotional neglect, or emotional abuse, etc. Having fun with your daughter will help you to develop a closer relationship and there are many ways to do this. You may join a cooking class, camping, or just simply take walks together.