You have probably heard stories of narcissists repeating the same disastrous relationship patterns. If you’ve been in a relationship with one such narcissist and have recently called it off, it is very natural that you’d want to know as to how Narcissists treat their exes.
Narcissists are not only difficult to live with, they are also difficult to abandon. They can bring you down into their darkness and drain you of life if you let them. There are three types of narcissistic partners who act out three different ways when faced with the breakup or divorce that threatens their sense of superiority.
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1- The Narcissistic Controller/Abuser
You have probably parted ways with your narcissist ex when they crossed the line in abusing you verbally, physically or sexually. Or maybe you ended it after finding out that their superiority and entitlement masked a deep-seated insecurity and emotional fragility that was behind all their words, actions and deeds.
They are the ones who may threaten to harm themselves or kill themselves if you leave them. They’d tell you how badly they miss you and want you back. They might stalk you because they will not let go so easily of their sense of having complete control over you.
2- The Narcissistic Seduced/Entitled
Many people confuse these types for being really nice, kind and loving partners. Of course, they are all these things in the beginning of your relationship. They shower you with gifts and compliments that bolster your sense of self-worth.
You become convinced that you have found a soulmate whose love for you is pure and real. Why would something like this not last forever? It’s because narcissists are not really nice people; they are kind and loving only when it gets them something.
They see you as a mere object, like an extension of their self which they can manipulate to make themselves feel powerful, beautiful or superior. When things go sour (as is bound to happen), narcissists act out in one of two ways:
1- They get mad at you for no longer adoring them, loving them or desiring them. Many claim that it is all your fault because they have done nothing wrong to deserve the punishment of being abandoned by you.
They will do anything to win you back, including changing their ‘evil’ ways and turning over a new leaf. Their sense of entitlement drives them to think that they are entitled to your love and devotion no matter what they do or say.
2- They blame you for everything, all the while charming you back into their arms with revenge tactics. They are not really interested in changing because it is YOU who have brought out the worst in them.
They will take great pleasure in ruining your reputation and destroying what you have built because it makes THEM feel good.
3- The Narcissistic Chaser
Many people think that narcissists are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. It is actually not true at all. They are only capable of showing love to people who reflect their grandiose self-image back to them.
The moment you stop admiring them, loving them or desiring them, they leave because that’s what narcissists do best. They are afraid of commitment and have no problem with pursuing multiple romantic relationships at the same time or ruining other people’s relationships to make themselves feel better.
Narcissists are always chasing after someone younger, more beautiful, more successful or someone who can give them something they do not have themselves. They are incapable of loving the people in their lives for who they really are.
But, they will keep coming back in episodes, making sure you can never truly move on from them.
So, which type is your ex?
Common Behavior Patterns of Narcissists Towards Their Ex
Almost every narcissist will treat their exes in a particular, patterned way that can lead them to believe that they are either trying to win them back or destroy them. To keep these ways from destroying you totally, you first need to be aware of these and treat them as red flags right when your narcissist ex starts displaying them.
Here is a list of the most common behaviors:
1. They Make Consistent Entries In Your Life
They will keep calling, texting and messaging you on social media in spite of your efforts to make it stop.
This keeps you engaged with them and ensures that they can still ‘work’ you because narcissists chase what they perceive to be a good catch.
2. They Go For Your Emotions
Narcissists always want more control over you. It doesn’t matter how hard they have hurt you or abused your trust, they will always come back for more. They know your weak spots and also use information from your social circle to make themselves look better in comparison to you.
3. They ‘Hoover’ You Back In With Sweet Talk And Fake Love
Many people do not believe that narcissists can change because the same flaws keep repeating themselves again and again.
There is no remorse for what was done before and there is no attempt at changing whatsoever. The truth of the matter is that while narcissists are capable of feeling some emotions, they only feel the emotions that are useful to them in some way.
In this case, it is about manipulating you into thinking that your relationship can be salvaged and that they have been really hurt by what you did. They will do anything to get back into your lives because they KNOW that if things don’t work out between you two again, then there is nothing left for them.
4. They Are Adept At Shifting The Blame Onto You
Narcissists never take responsibility for what they do wrong.
Because their narcissism tells them that everything is someone else’s fault or a result of a bad decision on another person’s part. Narcissists believe this even when their partners have given proof of evidence against them many times.
5. They Bring Up Your Past
Since narcissists are very sharp on the things that have hurt you, they will use it against you at every chance that they get.
It might not be anything related to your past but just a way to show you that they’re still more powerful than you are and can put you down whenever they want to.
6. They Want You Back Because You Have Broken Up With Them And Not The Other Way Around
Narcissists cannot stand being abandoned or being left on their own by someone who said they loved them unconditionally before. They think this means there is no one else willing to take over so easily so they will try everything in their power to win back your love again.
However, they have no intention of changing themselves whatsoever and will only take the blame for everything on you.
7. They Bring Up Your Ex
Narcissists always love to remind you of a time when you were vulnerable and they took advantage of it. They will also start bringing up your ex because they know that this information can hurt you badly and keep pushing your buttons until you crumble from the inside out.
8. They Get Physical With You And Agree To Everything… Until The Next Morning When Reality Sets In
This is one of the most dangerous ways narcissists behave with their exes after the breakup because they want control over everything about your life again. They will ask for forgiveness before even taking any blame, but as soon as they’re back in power, all promises and agreements go down the toilet and narcissistic rage takes over.
This is the ultimate moment where they remind you that there is nothing left for you without them because if you break up with them again, then all hope of getting back together is lost.
9. They Ask For A Second Chance… But Only If You Do As They Say
Narcissists always think that they can change people and that this person will be different from all the rest before them. However, in reality narcissists only keep changing their tactics and methods and never take responsibility for anything wrong in our lives.
They might ask for a second chance but only under the terms that they set out in order to make things work between you two again.
10. They Ruin Your Plans And Undermine You Whenever They Can
Narcissists can’t handle the idea of someone else living their lives without them so they will do anything to make sure you come crawling back on your hands and knees.
If they know that you have something planned with friends, family, etc. then they will try everything in their power to ruin it or just take all the credit for what you did yourself. Narcissists never apologize for ruining your plans because this is just part of their life now.
What Keeps Narcissists From Getting Help?
Narcissists are people who not only lack empathy but also find it difficult to understand how their behavior affects other people. They do not know that there is something ‘wrong’ with them at all. Being a narcissist means that your entire sense of self is built around yourself, others are seen as objects existing solely for your benefit and enjoyment.
This can lead to a lot of problems, especially if you need to maintain an intimate partnership because then both parties end up feeling empty and used – exactly what the narcissist wants them to feel! Getting out of this sort of relationship is not easy, but it is at least less difficult than the other ways that narcissists destroy their victims.
Many narcissists themselves can be very charming and charismatic and thus end up creating a social circle of people who only ever say good things about them and whose lives they can ‘play’ like an instrument to make themselves look more important.
If you are someone who has been in this relationship for a while or know someone else who has been, then take notice of these signs and seek help immediately through professional counseling!